Kelly Didn’t Need Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)!

Godzilla 002Rating: I know John has an A for this one, but I need to give it a C.

Summary: Something about kaiju and fighting and they are being released from their pods but humans actually need Godzilla because one of the kaiju is being extra trample-y?

See, I don’t like every bad movie. I just prefer the bad movies that A> have real people doing things and B> I can see what’s happening.

I don’t know if I need to preface this with how I didn’t see the 2014 predecessor (I wanted to because Bryan Cranston), but I don’t think I needed to in order to understand or appreciate what’s going on here. Godzilla is laying low, Kaiju are found, and Thanos shows up in the form of Charles Dance, who believes it’s nature’s calling to release the Kaiju, kill some humans, and bring balance and life back to Mother Earth. Then, Godzilla is somewhat enlisted to fight this one real jerk of a Kaiju and take his place as King of the Monsters.

I was really getting on board with this whole Tywin-Thanos thing, but story and a very talented cast come secondary in these kinds of movies. I’m okay with these things coming secondary, but when you give me people like Charles Dance and Anthony Ramos, don’t expect me not to feel like time would be better spent watching Tywin skinning a deer or Hamilton clips. Or Ken Watanabe SINGING AND DANCING. We should all watch that!

My mind went to these things because I was looking for anything to break up 180 consecutive minutes of grey and brown CGI mish-moshing on screen. Just some room to not have my senses dulled. That’s my biggest complaint here, and you know I’m the first one to throw down for some bad action. Despite some really interesting concepts (rattlesnake dragon!) and nice looking shots once in a while, there were lots of things that were just indecipherable. It was almost as exhausting as trying to watch The Long Night- we’d take the same pauses to be like, “This is an epic shot. I hope this makes up for it.” And louder. I think this is one of the loudest movies I’ve ever seen. Both the murkiness and the noise made my mind numb and I walked out of the theater in somewhat of a daze. I wasn’t sure what I saw, but I knew I didn’t like it, and I needed serious detox after. Just not my kind of action.

My kind of action though: Godzilla chugging the head of a fellow Kaiju. More of THAT next time. Also, will watch sequel if and when Charles Dance is announced.

I want to make sure that I point out that I actually really like what Warner Brothers has been doing this year and instead of pushing franchises into every which way (cough cough Legend of the Sword), they’ve been letting movies start and finish. It’s just nice to see and a good break from the Disney Machine, too. Let movies shine for what they are… and let’s get some more color in there.

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